Hello dear Fellow Travelers!

After another 24-hour run between Nana, Asok, and Phrom Phong, here I am in the early hours of the morning with the scent of the last Thai girl still on me, feeling inspired to put together a short list of the things I love and the things that get on my nerves. Maybe it serves no real purpose, but I feel like sharing these first impressions while they are still fresh, and who knows, maybe you feel the same way.

I’d start with the negatives: the things I can’t stand, or that would make everything more enjoyable if they simply didn’t exist.

  1. The African drug dealers hanging around Soi 11 and the area under Nana BTS station—the ones who go “’sup bro, ’sup bro” every time you walk past, like you’ve suddenly stepped into GTA. Just to be clear, I have nothing against Africans in general; I’m talking specifically about the guys described above, who are annoying at the very least. Most of the time I just ignore them as if they weren’t there, which is probably the best thing to do, although every now and then I tell them “Muori” in Italian, hoping one of them happens to know what it means. Someone must be paying the local police very well, because otherwise it is hard to understand how they are still there bothering people passing by.
  2. The Indians walking around with fake watches in their hands, shoving them in front of you and repeating, “Sir, sir, look sir…” They are annoying in a more passive way, in the sense that they have absolutely no shame about bothering you even while you are eating or having a beer at a bar or restaurant facing the street. They are even more persistent than the African dealers, and honestly, telling them to fuck off can be quite satisfying. The problem is that after the fourth or fifth one it gets boring, so from my point of view they could all disappear and do humanity a favor. The fact that I generally do not get along well with Indians is another matter, and it is not racism for its own sake. It is more the way many of them live and present themselves to the rest of the world that irritates me. They could be green with pink polka dots and my opinion would be exactly the same.
  3. Pushy girls and women. This category includes all those who, after being turned down or hearing “no” when asking for a drink, keep insisting until you are exhausted, or keep coming back again and again even when you are already with one of their colleagues and clearly do not want them hanging around. Unfortunately, I am often too generous, and sometimes I end up buying a drink for someone almost out of charity even if I am only interested in one of the girls present. Fair enough—one or two drinks are not going to make me poor, and by bar logic it helps keep the atmosphere going. But some of them simply do not understand when it is time to stop pushing, and by doing that they go from being neutral to genuinely annoying.
  4. Arrogant and clueless tourists. Less intrusive than the categories mentioned above, but just as annoying, these are the tourists who seem convinced they can do whatever they want without showing even the most basic manners. They also often come with the added quality of being completely oblivious to their surroundings: standing in groups right in the middle of the sidewalk, blocking everyone’s way, or doing the same kind of thing elsewhere without ever bothering to respect the simplest rules of common courtesy or basic social awareness. They are not exactly harassing anyone, but they are definitely irritating whenever you see them or when they pointlessly get in your way.
  5. Families with children in tow. This one may be a little unfair, but I am mainly talking about people who drag their kids around while making life difficult for everyone else, especially in areas that are primarily associated with prostitution. I imagine some people end up there by mistake, but others clearly do not. You often see Arab-looking families with a whole bunch of kids running around freely, which can make them physically annoying because, between overweight wives and clueless children, they somehow manage to block every possible passage, from BTS ticket gates to sidewalks. To be fair, it may simply be a characteristic of certain groups, because I honestly cannot remember seeing many Caucasian families walking around with children among prostitutes and ladyboys. Fortunately, they are mostly concentrated around the Arab Quarter near Nana, which partly explains why they are there, but in my opinion it is still a pretty inappropriate environment for taking children out at night.

Now let’s move on to the things I love most about Bangkok’s “amusement park” districts:

  1. The Sciatthai. Yes, absolutely. After all, I’m the one who coined the term, using it for the first time in a group of fellow Thailand-loving whoremongers. For anyone who still does not know what it means, the word refers to those Thai girls and women who usually work in bars or similar places and are neither particularly hot nor particularly unattractive. They dress however they feel like, tend to be loud, lively, and good company, are generally pretty easygoing, and often wear little flip-flops even when they are otherwise completely dressed up. To me, they are the soul of Bangkok’s nightlife districts, together with the ladies in the next category.
  2. The Go-Go Girls. Generally younger and hotter than the Sciatthai (although that is not always the case) they are the girls who work in Go-Go Bars. Usually dressed in bikinis or not much more, and sometimes completely nude inside the venues, they are one of the best things you can come across in Bangkok (and elsewhere too). Not all of them are friendly or particularly enthusiastic, but if you exclude the overly pushy ones and the “wooden statues,” they are usually pretty sexy, good company, and definitely available. After all, it is their job, and fortunately there are plenty of them who are very good at it.
  3. The BJ Bars. Here I’m referring more to the category of venue itself than to the girls who work there, who can obviously be more or less attractive and more or less skilled. Pump Stations, Pink Salons, BJ Bars, call them whatever you like: they are still places you go to for oral sex, and only that. Cheap, practical, almost anonymous, and with no time wasted, they are ideal when you suddenly feel like satisfying an urge without any commitment. The good thing is that there are plenty of them. The less good thing is that there could always be even more. They are still one of the best options available, at least for those who often prefer a good blowjob to a quick hit-and-run fuck.
  4. The Full Service Massage places. Obviously, these are among the most pleasant, relaxing, and satisfying things you can find in these parts of Bangkok. There are dozens and dozens of them, and it is hard to find one that is actually bad, although a disappointing experience can always happen. Most of them are concentrated in just a few streets: Soi 33, Soi 22, and Soi 26. But basically there is at least one in almost every soi, and I am talking only about the places that actually list Full Service on the menu. If we also include the less explicit massage shops where some kind of extra service can still be arranged, then they are practically impossible to count because there are simply too many. I would also include those venues where there is no massage at all and only Full Service is offered, although unfortunately there are not many of them—probably just a couple. Then there are some massage places where the massage itself is honestly pretty unnecessary and could easily be skipped, so they are basically comparable to the latter category, although they usually do not offer the same excellent value for money if all you are looking for is a simple fuck without anything else around it.
  5. Food everywhere, at all hours. Yes, I’m one of those people who really likes Thai food, but in general I just like eating. And I find that having something to eat at four in the morning in a bar with one or more Sciatthai is one of the most relaxing and “genuine” things you can experience in these areas. It is true that they usually make you feel comfortable and take care of you because they are there to work, but for some strange reason, when they are eating they seem more “natural,” or at least that is the impression I get. Maybe not always, and maybe not all of them, but quite often that is how it feels. In any case, I like eating when I am hungry rather than at fixed times, and here you can always find something good to eat at practically any hour, almost anywhere.
  6. The climate. Obvious and predictable, maybe, but for someone like me who hates the cold, Bangkok’s climate is pretty much ideal. Even with the rain during the “summer” months, it usually means heavy downpours that last an hour or so, plus the occasional light rain that seems to dry before it even reaches the ground. Cold simply does not exist here. During the drier and cooler season, nighttime temperatures still stay around 20°C, and daytime highs are not really that extreme unless you are standing directly under the sun in the middle of the day. Of course, the humidity is noticeable, but after a while you get used to it and it stops being intimidating. In fact, that constant sauna effect can almost become pleasant, or at least preferable to an overly dry climate. I am not putting it at the very top of the list only because you can find a similar climate in other countries too, but combined with everything else, it is one of the main reasons why I plan to live here as soon as I can.
  7. The BTS. It may seem silly to include public transport on this list, but the Skytrain simply makes everything easier. The stations are useful landmarks, work as pedestrian bridges, provide shelter during sudden downpours, and connect various buildings and shopping malls without forcing you down onto the street. But its main advantage is getting you from one place to another quickly, with predictable travel times and at very little cost. Of course, taxis are everywhere, but road traffic is often chaotic or completely stuck, and I find motorcycle taxis much more useful for short trips along smaller or more remote streets than for constantly going up and down Sukhumvit Road.
  8. 7-Elevens. Those little convenience stores where you can find almost anything, from condoms to over-the-counter medicines, food and drinks, as well as SIM cards, cigarettes, and pretty much any useful little item or accessory you can think of. These 24-hour mini-markets are the ultimate expression of the classic “a bit of everything” concept, and in these areas you can often find one just a few dozen meters from the next—on average at least one on every street, and often more than that. I honestly do not know how I would manage without them.
  9. Thai people. Last but not least, and putting them all into one broad category: they are certainly not without their faults, they are not always pleasant to deal with, and in some situations they can behave a bit like stereotypical Neapolitans—meaning they think they are being clever and assume everyone else is an idiot. In some cases, that attitude can cost them a good customer or some free positive publicity, as has happened with me. That said, I generally find Thai people fairly unobtrusive and reasonably sociable. Or, to put it another way, unlike the average Italian—who often cannot mind his own business but then looks the other way when you actually need help—I have developed the impression that Thai people tend not to interfere in other people’s affairs, but they also usually do not back away if you need something or happen to have a problem. Obviously, you find all kinds of people everywhere, but after many years, that is the impression I have formed. I compare them with Italians because I am Italian myself, but I suspect the comparison would also make sense for many other Europeans and Westerners.

And that’s about it. I’m sure there are other things that simply are not coming to mind right now, but broadly speaking, these are the pros and cons of living in this huge amusement park. At least that’s how it is for me. I’m sure everyone has their own preferences, and that’s always a good thing. Otherwise, we would all end up doing the same things, in the same places, with the same people, and that does not sound like a very appealing scenario, does it?

I’m thinking about starting a group where we can discuss this and other topics together, including European venues, of course. Let me know if you think it would be a good idea. You can use the Contact form here. I read every message that comes in, so feel free to write.

That’s all from your Editor in Bangkok for now. I absolutely need some sleep, then I’ll head out again, and after last night, who knows what the capital has in store for me today.

Bye-bye Fellow Travelers!