Marriage: Why Avoid It. Reflection on all the good reasons why avoiding marriage is a good thing.
Marriage is one of those things I just don’t understand—or rather, I understand its bureaucratic meaning, that much I do. But whenever I’ve shared this opinion around married people or women in general, I’ve always gotten the same responses, like:
“But it’s not just about bureaucracy and paperwork, it’s love, it’s natural that two people who love each other end up getting married, it’s a promise of life together, it’s respect for the other person and a sign of trust, love, loooove, loooove…”
At that point, my usual response is:
“Yes, but if two people decide to live together for the rest of their lives because they love each other and want to share their existence based on mutual respect, trust, and loooove, they can do perfectly well without signing any documents. Those are only necessary from a legal standpoint in case problems arise when respect, trust, and loooove no longer exist. So what’s the point of marriage, which is morally a promise of life together but only really useful if that promise is broken?”
I confess that in forty years of life, this has always been checkmate, since no one has ever been able to give a sensible answer to the question.
“Yet they get married.”
Yet all my married friends have cheated on their wives at least once (not just those already accustomed to such vices, but also novices who reinvented themselves as womanizers right after getting married), and that’s a fact. Moreover, they often complain about married life limiting their freedom, curse the day they chose to get married, and I frequently hear them say:
“Ah! If only I could go back…”
Most of them hardly have sex with their own wife anymore—maybe once a month if they’re lucky, or only on special occasions and not much more. Some really wish they could get rid of that ball and chain they sleep next to every night; sometimes they say it out loud, often they think it, but they’re aware that having signed a contract on their wedding day, asking for a divorce would bring too many disadvantages—especially those with underage children and a wife who chose to be a full-time mom instead of working, since he earns enough for everyone anyway.
So they keep going to prostitutes whenever they can or look for extramarital flings if they’re able.
I never intended to get married, even though I actually lived with a woman for about seven years—and from a practical and moral standpoint, it’s basically the same thing. But since I didn’t have any contracts to honor, I was able to get rid of her easily without tangible consequences and without too many regrets, except on a moral level and the “What if I had chosen the other option…” kind of thoughts.
I’ve always been against marriage—partly because I don’t see any practical use for it, partly because I’m an atheist, and quite a bit because I’m aware that I can’t stay faithful to just one woman for my entire life. I’ve never judged those who get married; after all, it’s not something that directly concerns me, and everyone is free to complicate their lives in whatever way they see fit. But in my own small way, I’ve always advised everyone not to do it.
The only cases where I can understand the necessity of marriage are those involving so-called “Useless” people—that is, those who don’t have enough character to live in harmony with themselves without someone to answer to for every action and decision—and “Those who aren’t interested in sex,” who by nature are truly uninterested in the joys of sex and, generally speaking, in women understood as Females, which makes their monogamy very easy to accept and endure.
“Okay, so what about those who declare themselves Happily Married?”
Well, even my coworker, just to mention the first example that comes to mind, claims to be Happily Married (and even my womanizing friends love being fathers to their kids, but that’s another story—here we’re talking about marriage and wives, not offspring). The point is, my coworker falls into that famous category of those who aren’t interested in sex or women in general. He’s one of those who would rather watch a soccer game on TV than have a good fuck, and he married “a woman I wouldn’t even fuck with someone else’s dick” when he was just over twenty, having only been with one woman before that.
Moreover, he and his wife see each other for barely a couple of hours in the evening before falling asleep, and on weekends when she’s working and he goes to help her in the shop.
But if that means being happily married, then that’s definitely one more reason to never do it in life.
I’d say that happily married people might exist, but they’re sexually faded, or mentally limited, and have no idea what’s “out there” — and by that I mean outside their small, dull, and confined married world.
But of course, that’s just my opinion—maybe I’m the blind one and too stupid to understand it, who knows.
“And then, when you are old?”
Good question.
I don’t know if I’ll ever make it to old age (but someone please kindly tell me at what age a person is considered Old, because that’s a matter to discuss too, especially since I often hear people say, “Poor guy, he was still young,” about people who died just before seventy). Anyway, if I were to reach, let’s say, 60 or 70 years old, I imagine I’d look pretty much like I do now—just more worn down and less physically capable, generally less reactive, probably with a few more aches, but hopefully with my “to-do list” at least 80% erased.
And most of all, I see myself on the sunny beaches of a country where the cold never comes, and where finding the company of young or somewhat less young women looking for easy money is anything but difficult.
I don’t want an old woman by my side to take care of me, nor do I want one to take care of me in my old age. If I’m well, I’ll try to enjoy the days I have left. If I’m not, I’ll die without regret, looking back on my wild life—not in fear of dying without a woman by my side, but in the immense joy of having shared it in small delicious portions with all those I could have around me as long as I breathe.
Divergent ideas and different ways of living, as it should be, but for some, getting married and churning out kids like a factory is like an obligation. You recognize these people because when asked, “Why did you get married?” they always answer with phrases like “Because everyone does,” or “Because when you’re old…” or “Because sooner or later it has to be done.” There’s not much more to add, I’d say—the category of the Useless is so dull and predictable that it’s not even worth talking about.
Then there are other cases, less common but obvious to everyone, like the late Berlusconi (Silvio to his friends) or maybe the national Briatore (just to mention another very borderline figure and sympathizer of the womanizer family – Look them up on Google if you’re not Italian ^^.) who, being larger-than-life characters and especially disgustingly rich, if they decide to marry multiple times and churn out kids like a factory, it’s clear that their lives won’t undergo any real change or limitation because of that choice.
Maybe in the end, like with all the other practical matters in life, marriage is always and only a matter of money.
Or maybe…
On one hand, there are individuals who live well with themselves and others without suffering from the absence of a steady partner (like in my case, and to be sure of it, I still had to try the other option).
On the other hand, there are people who feel lost and incomplete or dissatisfied with their situation without a steady partner. Then, once married, they desperately seek all sorts of alternatives to the routine of the relationship that inevitably develops after years of marriage. It’s no coincidence that men’s clubs are often full of married men, just like the beds of sex workers in general.
But if you look closely, there’s also a third option: those who seek their presumed happiness by trying to imitate the idealized “perfect family” from TV commercials, having sex only on calendar holidays (because what really matters is loooove), and allowing themselves a casual soccer game with friends to blow off steam—if their wife gives permission.
The truth is, even she just wants to spend her evenings watching the Island shows, or Big Brother on TV, or scrolling through FaKebook writing that her child is “her whole life” (and to hell with the husband she told the same thing to just a few years earlier), or complaining to the other soccer moms that little Fufi pooped on the Ikea rug again on Sunday morning before lunch at the awful mother-in-law’s place (well done, Fufi, well done).
“…And then there are those colorful shades that make the world a less gray and boring place.”
“But we should all know that there are also grotesque realities beyond the so-called ‘perfect families’.” where, of course, loooove reigns supreme among the lobotomized, because I know for sure there are couples where both would like to get rid of their respective ball and chain to live a different life, but neither has the guts to admit it and start over, or they have too much to lose in exchange for freedom. In the end, they just keep going out of inertia until they become too tired and old to even think about it anymore (and I’m pretty sure this is why elderly couples always seem to be “Happily Married,” but in reality, it’s often resignation turned into simple habit rather than happiness).
Being together and having children are certainly not illnesses to avoid, but especially when a marriage contract is involved, they impose limits that some are unwilling to accept, while others accept them lightly without thinking too much about the consequences—only to regret that carelessness when it’s too late.
Finally, to remind ourselves not to take life too seriously because it’s bad for our health, I’d like to recall and emphasize some undeniable truths about marriage before letting you get back to your daily affairs:
Marriage is a Contract.
Marriage is indisputably the leading cause of divorce (with all the harmful consequences that affect the man).
Marriage is that institution that allows two people to face difficulties together that they would never have had if they hadn’t gotten married.
To get married, you need witnesses, just like for a duel or an accident.
Marriage is like a mousetrap; those inside want to get out, and those outside are circling around trying to get in.
Marriage is a very serious form of sexual perversion, as it is unnatural to force a male to have sex with only one female, and only with her, for life, “until death do you part.”
The qualities in a man that most attract a woman are usually the same ones she can no longer stand years later.
All women wait for the man of their life, but in the meantime, they get married.
When a man intends to divorce his wife, the blame usually falls on all three.
A woman marries a man hoping he will change, and he won’t. A man marries a woman hoping she won’t change, and she will.
The ideal husband stays single.
“The secret to a long marriage? Going to a restaurant a couple of times a week: candlelight dinner, romantic music, and a few dance steps… She goes on Tuesday, and he goes on Friday.”
“The idealized Perfect Family from the TV doesn’t exist!”
“Fidelity is a strong itch you’re forbidden to scratch.”
“Better alone and sometimes a bit melancholic, than in two and often pissed off.”
And everyone has the right to complicate their life however they see fit…
I have chosen to be Free.
